There's plenty of relationship advice on social media. Here's why you shouldn't always take it to heart

Anxious attachment. Red flags. The three-day rule. The three-month rule.

These buzzwords are easy to find on social media from influencers offering a sea of relationship advice.

However, relationship experts say people navigating new relationships should be cautious taking tips and tricks from strangers online.

"It seems like almost every second person is a relationship or dating coach," said Treena Orchard, an author and professor in the School of Health Studies at Western University. 

"There are lots of influencers who have pivoted, and are sort of taking advantage of people's fatigue with swiping and are stepping in to fill some of that gap." 

Different types of social media content can influence dating and relationships, Orchard said, such as influencers giving outright advice or people telling their own relationship stories that viewers may consider.

"I love when people can come in and bring these questions, prompts and tools to our session because it allows us to work through what actually resonated with them about the message," said Carlen Costa, a clinical sexologist and psychotherapist.

She said social media is a good starting point for people to analyze their relationships, so long as it is paired with professional help. 

"What needs to happen if you're in a rabbit hole of information is working with a licensed professional that can help you tease out what is real and applicable to your life and what are just social media buzzwords," said Costa. 

Orchard said there are people who seek relationship advice from social media because of dependency and fear of real-life rejection.

"It reflects the way that we seek experts, but I think it also reflects the way we're scared to go out on our own, " said Orchard. "We're really a culture of dependence, whether it's on apps or other people to tell us what to do."

Comparison creates expectations

It's not just advice that impacts people's perception of their love life. Orchard said some people compare their relationships to ones they see on social media.

"Using someone else's experience as a lens to understand your own can lead to some pretty harmful behaviours," she said. "You can sort of devalue what you've got going on or submerge your own desires in order to make them more similar to other people, and that's not healthy."

Student Mikayla Gallo said she has seen social media videos of people making holiday-themed gift baskets, appropriately called "boo baskets" and "brr baskets," for their partners.

She said while she thinks the concept is cute — and she has received one — she does not think people should expect their partners to follow every social media trend.

"I do understand that you might feel a bit deflated if you don't receive that recognition, which is fair," said Gallo. "But that's a conversation you have if you're confident enough in your relationship. If you enjoy those types of things, your partner should know that about you."

Some social media users agreed that couples on social media can create false expectations in real-life partnerships. 

"You can have expectations but that should be up to you to decide, not somebody else," said Western student Gavin Hughes. 

Finding legitimate advice 

Some young people said advice and explainer videos on social media help them understand their own behaviours in a relationship. Mackenzie Johnson, for one, learned about attachment theory. 

Attachment theory, said Costa, explains how early relationships with caregivers shapes people's ability to form and maintain emotional connections throughout life. She added that while attachment theory can provide context and meaning, it should not be taken as an absolute. 

"It explained a lot of problems in my last relationship," Johnson said. "I knew all these things were happening, but I didn't know there was an actual theory as to why me and my ex didn't work out."

Both experts said some social media tips are legitimate, and Costa herself even shares occasional advice on her social media channels that she said is either evidence-based or clearly labelled as anecdotal. 

"Social media isn't useless for relationship advice, it just means that we need to be critical of where that advice is coming from," Costa said. 

Orchard thinks people need to take a step back from social media and find other ways to navigate dating or relationship challenges, such as through talking to friends, parents or professionals and spending time alone.