'It was a very scary time,' gay soldier recalls isolation in military

Heather Harding remembers the moment her partner called her in a panic.

It was 1986. Harding, a soldier fresh out of recruit school, had been sent to Quebec for french-language training. Her partner who was also in the armed forces was stationed elsewhere. 

"She told me that she had been taken in by the SIU, which was the Special Investigations Unit, and all she told me was 'we've been caught, we've been caught, we've been caught,'" she remembered.    

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Harding was taken in for questioning a few days later.

"They asked me every question imaginable, from was it true that I had a partner, what we did in bed, everything," she told CBC Toronto. "I denied nothing."

She said officials also told her she would have to write a list of every gay person she knew of in the military if she wanted to keep her career.

Over the next few months, Harding lost her security clearance and was shuffled to an office job at the military base in Saint-Jean with no further training. She says the military even put her alone in a multi-person living quarter out of fear she'd "convert" others.

She hoped by being diligent in her work the officials would see that she was a good soldier and change their minds, but it never happened.

"I photocopied for two-and-a-half years," she said, holding back tears. "They ended my contract and released me in 1989."

'People should know what happened'

Harding, who has resided in Kitchener, Ont. for 17 years, said she waited all day in front of the TV for Prime Minister Justin Trudeau's apology for the systemic discrimination that LGBTQ military and public service workers faced between the 1950s and 1990s.

She called the apology a "big step" for righting past wrongs.

"I think people should know what happened. I think it's good for the progress that not just Canada, but countries around the world are making with same-sex marriage and inclusion," she said.

She saw the apology in a positive light, but the years she spent isolated before her contract ended in 1989 continue to haunt her. She said she felt like an outsider because other gay and lesbian people avoided her to protect themselves from being outed.

"It was a very scary time for a lot of people. They were turning people against each other."

Letting go of pain

Canada ended its ban on LGBT personnel in the military in 1992, and Harding was offered her job back in 1993.  

She rejoined the military and according to Canadian Armed Forces records served in Rwanda in 1994-95, although the CAF will comment on little else, citing the Privacy Act.

Harding left military service again in 2001 because of post-traumatic stress disorder, which she compared to having her military career "ripped away" for a second time.

Despite what had happened to her in the 1980s, she said it wasn't a difficult decision to go back when she was offered her job again.

For Harding, wearing the uniform again meant getting to be part of the team again, which is a big part of her identity.

"If you could see me, I'm full of Canadian flag tattoos," she said.

"It's really a mixed bag of emotions. I'm glad I'm able to tell my story. I think it will really do me a lot of good to get it out."