'I was so deep in depression': northern Ontario woman speaks out during National Mental Health Week

WARNING: This story contains mentions of suicide. 

Kayla Ramsay was around 13 years old when she felt something was wrong.

After researching her symptoms online, the Sudbury woman realized she was struggling with depression. 

But even with that knowledge, she felt scared to tell her parents, both of whom had their own mental health challenges.

"I was ashamed. I thought, I shouldn't be feeling this way. My life isn't that bad. So why do I feel this bad?" Ramsay said.

Now 29, she is reflecting on her experiences as Canadians mark Mental Health Week, an annual campaign run by the Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA).

"I was just so low all of the time, I could not do anything. I was so deep in depression that I knew this was a problem," Ramsay said. 

She said her first step toward getting help came in high school when she spoke to a guidance counsellor.

"She was so lovely, but she wasn't really equipped to deal with mental health issues," said Ramsay.

"So when I was ready, I went to my family doctor and told her, and that's when I got medicated for the first time. I was 16 and I've been off and on medication as needed, pretty much ever since."

Later, while attending university, Ramsay said the campus counselling services also fell short.

More recently, she tried getting a referral to a psychiatrist, thinking her family doctor couldn't provide full mental health support due to time constraints.

But she says after the referral, she only had one conversation with the psychiatrist, was given another prescription and referred back to her family doctor.

"It's not always easy to find those supports and services, especially ones that are in your price range, or maybe you can't wait for those services," she said.

Personal loss and a path forward

When Ramsay was 21, her father died by suicide. She said he had previously made an attempt and was briefly hospitalized at Kirkwood Place, a mental health facility in Sudbury.

"He absolutely hated it. Did not want to go back, did not access any other services," she said. "I think he got to that point where he just felt like there was nothing available, there was nothing else, there was no other options."

Ramsay said navigating her own mental health has not been a straight line. 

"It's been a lot of ups and downs in my recovery journey," she said.

She now works as a communications officer with the Northern Initiative for Social Action (NISA), a peer-run organization offering advocacy, community programs, and resources to support people living with mental illness in Sudbury.

"There's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of if you are having a mental health issue, problem or challenge," Ramsay said. 

"If you break your arm, you go to the ER, you go see a doctor. Mental health is no different."

Chris Coulombe, a mental health educator with CMHA's Sudbury/Manitoulin branch, said this year's mental health week campaign is focused on "unmasking."

"I think all of us have probably put a mask on at one point in our lives," he said. "Maybe we were hiding, or maybe there were some emotions or some symptoms that we were looking to suppress."

The Sudbury/Manitoulin branch is marking the week with local initiatives such as lighting up the Sudbury water tower in green — the international colour for mental health — along with free workshops, crafts, and coffee fundraisers.

"We really want to deal with that labelling that happens in our community," he said. "And really focus on dignity and on respecting individuals. Because everyone is someone."

Coulombe said more support is needed to keep services running in northern Ontario, and to prevent the devastating consequences of untreated mental illness.

"It's so important for us to enhance our capacity as a community to be there for others," he said. "We have the goal of ending stigma, but in reality… there's a lot of effort required to do that."

He said stigma can lead to bias, stereotypes and discrimination and that the failure to speak openly or access help can have broader social consequences.

"We often talk about the risks of institutionalization, incarceration or being hospitalized… But the reality is, there's also the risk of death," Coulombe said.

"It's not a sign of weakness to ask for help."

If you or someone you know is struggling, here's where to get help:

• Canada's Suicide Crisis Helpline: Call or text 988.

• Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868. Text 686868. Live chat counselling on the website.

• Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention: Find a 24-hour crisis centre.

• This guide from the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health outlines how to talk about suicide with someone you're worried about.