Mother shares story of daughter's murder to save others from trauma
Abbie Speir was murdered by ex-partner weeks after she ended the relationship in 2017
Warning: this story contains distressing details.
Joan McDonald is telling her family's story so others might be saved from the trauma of losing a loved one to domestic violence.
"There were so many things that our family didn't know until it was too late to make a difference," McDonald said in an interview with CBC News.
"Like, once a relationship has ended it becomes the most dangerous time for a victim. Our family didn't know that women are six times more likely to be killed by an ex-partner than they are by their current partner, and 70 per cent of domestic homicides take place after the relationship has ended."
On Thursday, McDonald is speaking at a luncheon hosted by Soroptimist International of Saskatoon, a volunteer group that funds programs for women and girls. It's also the last week of the UN 16 Days of Activism against Gender Based Violence global campaign.
McDonald's daughter Abbie Speir was murdered at her Yellow Grass, Sask., home in April 2017 by an abusive ex in the weeks after they separated. McDonald now speaks out about intimate partner violence to help others.
"It is imperative that victims have a safe exit plan and know what constitutes a safe exit plan," McDonald said.
In 2020, Kevin Okafor pleaded guilty to second-degree murder in Speir's death and was sentenced to life in prison with no chance of parole until 2033. During sentencing, the court heard how Speir was just days away from moving into a new home when she died.
Speir, then a 33-year-old mother of three, decided to end the common-law relationship after Okafor punched her in the face. Speir kicked him out of the house, but Okafor refused to end the relationship. As Speir was getting ready to move, Okafor showed up at her house to talk about their relationship, which led to arguing.
Okafor stabbed Speir 55 times, set fire to the basement and left. Police arrested him after a highway chase.
McDonald said it can be difficult to spot signs of partner violence when it involves someone you've accepted into your family and appears to love your family member.
"The danger and the trauma is caused from inside the family, which you don't expect, right?" McDonald said. "But it is very prevalent in many relationships, as the statistics show."
Saskatchewan has one of the highest rates of domestic and family violence in Canada, behind only the Yukon, Northwest Territories and Nunavut, according to Statistics Canada.
In 2023, the province had rates of 710 domestic violence cases and 741 family violence cases per 100,000 population. Nationally, the rates are 354 domestic and 350 family violence cases per 100,000. Rates of domestic violence across Canada have increased 14 per cent since 2018.
A complete plan to safely escape domestic violence includes everything from securing personal documents, money and necessities such as medication, to transportation, escape routes and accommodations, said Jo-Anne Dusel, the executive director of the Provincial Association of Transition Houses and Services of Saskatchewan (PATHS), which runs counselling and support services for victims of domestic violence.
"It's thinking through the steps of what might happen in various scenarios and being prepared to deal with them," Dusel said, adding that the most important thing is to leave when the abusive partner isn't present.
"Thinking those things through in advance can make the difference between really getting out in a hurry when you need to in a safe way or being surprised when the perpetrator discovers that you are thinking about leaving. That is when violence can escalate and things can really go wrong."
A plan should also include contact information for community organizations like PATHS, which can connect domestic violence survivors with resources, Dusel added.
McDonald raised Speir and three other kids on a farm in southwest Saskatchewan.
"Abby was smart and hard working and she was a great mom to her three kids," McDonald said. "She was funny and sassy and could accomplish a lot in a short time.… She never backed down from a challenge. She was a very social person and loved a gathering of any kind."
Speir told her family about the abuse and her decision to leave Okafor. McDonald said they supported Speir, offering help to find a new place and move, but they were doing it alone without much outside help.
"When we were going through this in 2017 with Abbie, we didn't know where to turn for help or that there was even help available," McDonald said. "I feel that giving everybody some basic information can and will change and save lives."
Support is available for anyone affected by intimate partner violence. In Saskatchewan, www.pathssk.org has listings of available services across the province. You can access support services and local resources in Canada by visiting this website. If your situation is urgent, please contact emergency services in your area.
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