Being a surrogate is magical, mundane and unlike anything I've ever done

This First Person column is written by Sage Yathon, who lives in Regina. For more information about CBC's First Person stories, please see the FAQ.

I am now halfway through a pregnancy with someone else's baby.

I already have two children of my own and I really like carrying babies. It feels like my superpower. But do I want to care for another child? Absolutely not. I have no desire to be up all night with a newborn, or to add another child to my family.

Being a surrogate feels strange, mundane, magical and unlike anything I have ever done before.

The physical sensations are all familiar, but this time the baby is not mine.

The three most common questions I receive are: Do you get paid? Will the baby be related to you? Aren't you worried that it'll be hard to give up the baby? The answer to all three is no.

So why even be a surrogate?

A child cherished and chosen

I came into motherhood easily and, because of that, I carry some fertility guilt. My first pregnancy came by surprise, with no complications and a beautiful birth. My second pregnancy came after very little planning, lots of nausea and a quick labour.

The forward-moving, purpose-driven experience of my own pregnancies and births got me somewhat addicted to the process. Pushing out babies isn't easy, but I find it fulfilling. I can't imagine never carrying another baby in my belly or never pushing another one out.

I've always thought surrogacy was a brilliant concept — a creative solution for those who can't gestate alone. It felt like something I'd like to do, but I didn't know about the options. I figured if a friend or family member ever needed a surrogate down the road, I'd be happy to do it.

I had never explored the surrogacy process, not even a quick Google search. Then a few years ago, I met a friend who was going to become a surrogate. That was the push I needed. I went home that night to look into the process myself.

I am typically quick to jump into things. I get excited by new opportunities and I like to move fast. But the surrogacy process was slow, which was painful at first but ended up being a good thing.

I matched with the intended parents through a surrogacy agency and the process took just over a year after I met them. I took several months of IVF medications and became pregnant after two embryo transfers.

The slower pace forced me to think before I committed. It also gave me and the parents the opportunity to get to know each other. We have a group chat where we make plans, ask questions and get excited together. I know they'll be incredible parents and I can't wait to see them with their baby.

My community is filled with people who want to be parents, but can't. I know the family I'm working with is bringing this baby into the world with so much care. This child is cherished and chosen, as every child should be.

Many people would give anything to be pregnant and carry a baby to term. At the same time, many women and gender diverse people lack access to birth control and abortions, forcing them into parenthood. There is no fairness in this, and almost no opportunity for choice. Surrogacy is an expensive intervention that facilitates a level of intention and choice that is absent elsewhere.

I feel so lucky

People often ask how my husband feels about it. My answer is pretty boring. He knows it's my choice and my body. His only advice was that I made sure to think it through before committing.

The first trimester was hard on us both as I spent most of it on the couch. The nausea and exhaustion kept me from doing anything around the house. I am lucky to have a partner who doesn't shy away from domestic tasks. I dropped so many balls, and he caught (most of) them.

WATCH| Mother who loves being pregnant but doesn't want any more kids has come up with a unique compromise:

This mother of 2 says being a surrogate is magical, mundane and unlike anything she has ever done

2 years ago

Duration 3:12

A Regina mother who loves being pregnant but doesn't want any more kids has come up with a unique compromise — one that is helping another family grow. CBC's Bonnie Allen sat down with the mom of two to hear more about her journey as a surrogate.

I still work a demanding day job, and our kids are young, so they still need a lot from me. It's been difficult to meet their needs for physical affection and activity. But when things are quiet, they'll gently kiss my belly and whisper to the baby. 

I believe they understand the concept of surrogacy better than any adult. They see someone who wants a baby, and someone who can make a baby. They had no issue drawing a line between the two.

Surrogacy is the ideal scenario for me. I get to be pregnant, give birth, then leave the rest to the loving parents.

I have no feelings of maternal connection to the baby in my body. I have known from the very beginning that they are meant for someone else. Knowing the child isn't mine is a huge relief and gives me a wonderful sense of purpose.

I'm eager for the day of the birth. Not because I want the pregnancy to be over, but because I know how much joy that day will bring.

Whenever the physical toll of the pregnancy feels hard, I imagine the parents' faces when they hold their baby for the first time. I feel so lucky to be one of the few people who will be in that room, bearing witness to the first day of the rest of their lives.

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