How to have a sober holiday season — from 2 people recovering from alcoholism

The holiday season is in full swing across P.E.I. and with it comes holiday parties. It is a time of celebration and often alcohol is included, which can be a source of stress for those who had trouble with the substance in the past.

Even after 29 years sober, Sister Laura Kelly says she still smells her drink when she attends a get-together.

"I'm very cautious on what I take into my body as far as drinks," Kelly said.

Too often people think of an alcoholic beverage when they offer a drink around the holidays, she said.

People often don't lay out all the options they have besides alcohol, such as soda, tea or coffee and she said that can be awkward for someone struggling with alcoholism.

"If they don't plan ahead of time what they are going to say it can be tricky," Kelly said.

She said people hosting holiday events should "have a display of all kinds of options, sober and non-sober."

Kelly said that while people recovering or struggling with alcoholism may cut down on the number of events with alcohol they attend, it's hard to avoid office parties and family functions. Those who struggle with alcoholism have to be careful.

"They might think they are in full control of whether they drink or don't drink and not realize how easily they can be triggered back into usage."

Watch your drink

Former P.E.I. physician Grant Matheson struggled with opioid addiction and alcoholism and now does public speaking on the topic.

Matheson echoed Kelly's worries on accidently drinking something with booze in it. In fact, it happened to him.

"I was at a Christmas party at a person's house and picked up a Coke that I thought was mine and I could taste rum in it and I spit it out. But it is not a good surprise," he said.

Matheson knows all too well the stress family gatherings can have on recovering alcoholics during the holiday season.

At the height of his alcoholism, he said he would leave family functions and down a pint of hard liquor so he could "go back in and do it."

Now, Matheson said he tries not to obsess over family gatherings, creates no expectations for himself and tries not to think about the event until the day of.

"I just do it that day, I don't think about it or worry about it ahead of time. And, you know what, it is never as bad as you think it is," he said.

Matheson said he also takes his own car so he has the freedom to leave when he likes and brings some earphones.

"Things are getting too crazy? Stick your headphones in," Matheson said. 

A lot of times even in restaurants, they don't tell you there is wine in the sauce. You have to be cautious.— Sister Laura Kelly

Matheson also said it is a good idea to have someone to call who knows you are going to the event.

"I tell people, phone them regardless. Just say 'I am going to give them a call,' and then you might not even talk to them, you might not even need them, but then you won't hesitate to call," he said.

Matheson said he has a friend he can call who isn't in recovery, but has been supportive through his struggles with addiction.

Boozy fruitcake

It isn't just drinks people recovering from alcoholism have to worry about.

"A lot of people lace their nice fruitcakes with rum or whatever else they might throw in," Kelly said.

She said people often don't understand the impact that could have on someone trying to stay sober.

"The flavours can be great, but they can also trigger relapse."

Kelly said people looking to avoid alcohol should be careful dining out as well.

"A lot of times even in restaurants, they don't tell you there is wine in the sauce. You have to be cautious," she said.

Eat something before

Matheson said he uses eating to his advantage. Recovering addicts have to recognize when they are at a weak point, he said, and that usually happens when the person is lonely, tired, angry or hungry.

"If I am going to go to something in the evening I usually make sure I have a little nap before I go, I try not to be tired. I usually eat a little bit of something before I go," he said. 

I'm not really always wanting something like I used to be … it's a good place to be.— Grant Matheson

"It's a time when you start to get agitated, so it is best to eat a little bit," he said.

Matheson said if you are going to an event where drinking is taking place, it is important that a person you're going with knows you may struggle so you can tell them you want to leave with no questions asked.

Sober events

Hosting or attending sober events are also good ways for recovering alcoholics to avoid drinking.

"You might not get as many attend, but I would certainly recommend it. Even simple things like going outdoors and going for a skate," Kelly said.

Kelly now runs SAFE, which stands for Sober and Friendly Environment. It is a drop-in centre in downtown Charlottetown for Islanders to socialize and make connections while they're trying to stay away from drugs and alcohol. Kelly hosts various sober events.

"We've done trivia, we've done open mic ... we have all kinds of board games," she said.

Year-round support

Matheson said it is also important for those in recovery to know there is support all year-round.

"[Alcoholics Anonymous] meetings run seven days a week, 365 days a year, even on Christmas Day they are there," he said. 

"There is a noon meeting there even on Christmas Day and there is an evening meeting even on Christmas. So, there is always a meeting for people if they end up in trouble."

Matheson said he isn't asking for anything specific for Christmas this year.

"I'm sort of happy with everything I have. So, I'm not really always wanting something like I used to be … it's a good place to be," he said.

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