What the pandemic taught me about living with stress

This is a First Person column by Fairouz Gaballa, a student in Charlottetown. For more information about CBC's First Person stories, please see the FAQ.

The pandemic has affected everyone differently. For some, it's been a time of reflection and adaptation. For others it's been nothing but struggle and stress. For me, it's been a little bit of everything.

I used to think stress was something awful, something that ruined a person once it took hold of their thoughts.

But stress is natural. And for each of us, it takes on a different form. 

For me, stress is a single cumulonimbus cloud in a sunless blue-gray sky. Cumulonimbus clouds have many layers, and I think that's the perfect analogy for what stress means to me now.

No more road maps

Pre-pandemic, I think a lot of young people like me had a clear plan — a roadmap and a destination in mind.

But that roadmap no longer exists, and the destination isn't what it used to be. The entire world is trying to learn how to function again and for me, that means a whole lot of stress.

Stress is cruel, but it's also powerful. Stress is crippling, but it's also encouraging. Stress is caging, but it can also be also liberating.

It's not knowing what's going to happen a month or three months down the road, not knowing what I'll do after I graduate, or if I'll be able to secure a job that pays the bills — much less that I even somewhat enjoy.  

It's the stress of feeling that I'm not doing enough, or that I'm doing too much and risking burnout. It's the stress of not knowing in what direction my decisions will take me.

Discovering my resilience

But underneath those layers, inside that cumulonimbus cloud, are silver linings — everything I've learned from what I've lived through the last two years.

I've learned that, for me, being stressed means I really care. Whether it's something small or something important, if it causes me stress I know it's worth my time. Which I guess in my world is really awesome. 

Surprisingly, I've learned determination and resilience through my stress. 

When I'm very stressed, it feels like a fire has ignited in my stomach, causing ripples of uncomfortable heat to spread throughout my body. It's a numbness that blocks out rational thought and only zeroes in on the things causing me stress.

But over the past two years, I've had to learn to push myself past the discomfort. And I've discovered that I often do my best work when I'm at my most uncomfortable.

Stress is cruel, but it's also powerful. Stress is crippling, but it's also encouraging. Stress is caging, but it can also be also liberating.

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