Mother's Day emotional for adopted families

Mother's Day can unleash a torrent of emotions.

For mothers, it's a day to enjoy their children if they're nearby or miss them if they're living away.

For mothers who have given a child up for adoption, it's a day to wonder where they are, if they're happy, and if they ever wonder about the woman who gave birth to them.

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I was adopted and blessed with two mothers: the woman who raised me — Mom — and the woman who gave birth to me — my birth mother.

They are not interchangeable. One cannot take the place of the other. Both loved me dearly. Each had a role to play in forming who I am today and to each, I am thankful.

My parents adopted me when I was nine months old. They already had one daughter, but wanted another child. 

Times have changed a lot since then.

The day Mom and Dad went to get a baby they had a choice of four — two girls and two boys. That's a huge difference from today, where anyone in Nova Scotia hoping to adopt a healthy baby can wait as long as 10 years.

As the story goes, I was the first baby they saw. I was placed in Dad's arms, I looked at him and grinned and made cute baby sounds, and that was it.

'Changed the course of my life'

They took me home without even looking at the other babies. It was a choice that changed the course of my life forever.

Who knows where I would be or who I would have become if Mom and Dad had selected another baby and I went to a different home? I can't imagine.

However, I can tell you that if I could pick my parents today, I would pick Mom and Dad. I grew up in the country, always feeling cherished and loved. My parents weren't rich and sacrificed much for me.

I grew up always knowing that I was adopted. My Dad told me my birth mother was young, unmarried and unable to care for me so I never felt abandoned or angry at her. I understood.

My Mom, on the other hand, did not want to talk about this "other" person. Although she never voiced her feelings, I'm convinced she was worried I would abandon her for this other mother.

I understood that, too, and never even contemplated looking for my birth mother because I knew it would have hurt her deeply.

While I was curious about my past and my history, it was never a big deal. I had loving parents and grandparents, an older sister who adored me, lots of friends and a wonderful life.

'Worst experience of my life'

That all came crashing down when my Mom died unexpectedly while I was in my 20s. I can honestly say it was the worst experience of my life.

In the fog of bereavement, I started searching for my birth mother. However, I came to my senses and realized I was looking for someone to replace Mom — which no one could ever do. So I stopped looking.

But the questions about my background, nationality and medical history — what open adoption records advocate Mike Slayter calls "my truth" — remained and several years later I resumed my search, fully aware that I had no idea who I would find.

I located my birth mother in no time, thanks to someone who must remain anonymous. It turns out I look exactly like her, right down to a freckle on the same spot on our nose. She is a lovely woman who welcomed me with open arms.

One of the first pictures she showed me was her wedding picture. If you didn't know the difference, you'd think it was me.

Back when I was born, women who became pregnant were shamed, as if it was all their fault. She was sent to the Home of the Guardian Angels in Halifax and worked there for three months after I was born just so she could be near me.

'Can't thank her enough'

I can't imagine the the day I was taken away and put in a foster home. Her heart must have broken. She says she never forgot about me. In fact, she worried about me and hoped I had the better life she was unable to provide.

She is a kind, thoughtful woman who was able to put aside her own anguish and give me the life she couldn't. I can't thank her enough.

So on this Mother's Day, I cherish the memories of my late mother who kissed my cuts and bruises, hugged me when my heart was broken and taught me right from wrong.

I also cherish my birth mother, who, in placing me for adoption, gave me a wonderful life.

I know some people have never had a mother who cared deeply for them. Today, I know I'm blessed, with two mothers and unending love.