'It kept me trapped': How struggles to find child care can exacerbate cases of intimate partner violence

A Nova Scotia woman says she wanted to end her abusive marriage for more than three years, but a lack of available child care left her with no way out. 

"It kept me trapped," said the mother of two, whose identity is protected by a court-ordered publication ban. 

"Financially it just wasn't viable, especially with kids. Like not having child care … I wasn't able to work the hours that I needed to, to be on my own." 

Since having her youngest, the inability to find child care has prevented the woman from returning to work full time. Like thousands of parents across the province, she said she's on a number of lengthy waitlists, but nothing has materialized so far. 

This has caused her to be financially dependent on her alleged abuser, who was recently arrested and charged with physically and sexually assaulting her, according to Nova Scotia's Public Prosecution Service.

But domestic violence experts say her story is not unique. 

Miia Suokonautio is executive director of YWCA Halifax, an organization that helps women experiencing intimate partner violence. They also provide many other services like child care and housing support.

She said she and her staff witness instances like this all the time, pointing to a lack of child care as one of the most prominent barriers that people, especially women, face when trying to leave an abusive partner. 

"Gender-based violence thrives on vulnerability," said Suokonautio. "It thrives on the fact that you need to be home with your children. It thrives on the fact that you cannot get out because you don't have the money, or you don't have someone to support your kids." 

Since his arrest, the alleged perpetrator has been ordered not to contact the woman or their children, but she still relies on some spousal and child support to stay afloat. 

"I have a good education, I have good work experience. I can make a good income if I can work full time, but I can't," she said. 

"If there were more supports in place … I could have left before it got to a point where there's five assault charges."

The woman said she had asked her husband for a divorce in the months leading up to his arrest. But because she didn't have the income to leave, she was forced to continue living with him. 

She said that's when she faced the most violent abuse. 

Rachel Shepherd, executive director of Bryony House, the province's largest shelter for women and children, said the highest rates of intimate partner violence and fatalities occur when a woman tries to end an abusive relationship.

'A lot of women really, truly feel stuck'

Shepherd added that many women who call the shelter's distress line often report similar scenarios, particularly when it comes to concerns about finances. 

"With the cost of rent and the cost of living, if you don't have an income and you can't get a space at daycare to go back to work, what are your options? And so a lot of women really, truly feel stuck," said Shepherd. 

The provincial government has made significant efforts to make child care more affordable and accessible in recent years. Since signing a bilateral agreement with Ottawa in 2021, the province has created nearly 7,000 new spaces and has said it's on track to reach its commitment of 9,500 by March 2026. 

But with Nova Scotia's growing population, many parents still find themselves on waitlists for up to two years hoping to secure a spot at a licensed daycare. 

Suokonautio said when it comes to major investments in social programs like child care, it's important to use a "gender-based lens." 

She said the province, as well as daycare operators, should consider prioritizing families who need affordable daycare the most — for example, single mothers or those living in poverty. 

"If we're as a province thinking about intimate partner violence or gender-based violence as an epidemic … where does child care fit into that?" said Suokonautio.

"Often we're not connecting those dots," she said. "We as an organization that does child care and housing and gender-based violence, we're seeing that connection every day." 

As for the woman, she's still holding out hope that she'll find child care soon. She wants to go back to work full time to earn a more sustainable income so she can support her children and gain financial independence from her soon-to-be ex-husband.

"I am trying my best to be optimistic," she said.

But if it doesn't work out, she said she may have to uproot her life and move out of the province with her kids — closer to safety, and closer to family members who can support her during this pivotal time in her life.

For anyone affected by family or intimate partner violence, there is support available through crisis lines and local support services. If you're in immediate danger or fear for your safety or that of others around you, please call 911.

If you or someone you know is struggling, here's where to get help:

• Nova Scotians can call 211 to connect with community resources.
• A list of transition houses across Nova Scotia.
• Family violence resources helpline 1-855-225-0220.
• The Transition Housing Association of Nova Scotia website.
• Canada's Suicide Crisis Helpline: Call or text 988.
• Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868. Text 686868. Live chat counselling on the website.
• Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention: Find a 24-hour crisis centre.
• This guide from the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health outlines how to talk about suicide with someone you're worried about.

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