Gay Nova Scotia couple raising a big family say they're still amazed at fatherhood
Darrin Carter and Sandy Kaiser are raising five adopted children in West Porters Lake
On Sunday morning, Sandy Kaiser and his husband Darrin Carter will be in a race to wish each other happy Father's Day first.
The 51 year olds are gay dads raising a big family in West Porters Lake, N.S. Their five children, who were adopted as babies, are typical, fun-loving kids ranging in age from seven to 15.
"We're so proud to recognize that in ourselves," says Carter in the kitchen of his home. "We're still amazed that it's happened and we're at this point in our lives."
The couple met 30 years ago at a theatre festival in Stephenville, N.L., where they were performing. They moved to Toronto and waited 17 years before adopting their first child, Wolfgang, in 2001.
Kaiser says he still chokes up every time he thinks back to the moment he found out they were going to be dads. He worked at a building next to Sick Kids Hospital in Toronto and went to the gift shop. He picked out a tiny teddy bear onesie.
"I walked up to the checkout, and the woman said, 'Is this a gift, do you need a gift receipt?' And I broke down and started to cry and said, 'No, it's for my son,'" Kaiser says with tears welling up.
A daughter arrives
The original idea was to adopt four boys because the dads figured it would be easier. Reichen, a little brother to Wolfgang, was adopted at Christmastime 2003. But within three months, their plan changed quickly, and along came a daughter.
"On about the 3rd of March, CAS [Children's Aid Society] called and said that [Reichen's] birth mother had had another baby and would we be interested in adding her to our family.
"And we said, 'Sure, like how many months from now?' And they said: 'This week,'" Kaiser says with a hearty laugh.
Ten-week-old Michaela came home to the couple that March. By that point the couple decided baby Number 4 should be a girl to even out the teams, as they say.
Sophie was adopted in 2006 and the family was complete, or so they thought. The couple decided they wanted to move to Nova Scotia, Kaiser's home province, to raise their kids.
Along comes baby Number 5
But in 2009, Toronto CAS called again and it was Carter's turn to get the news.
"They said, 'I have a question, are you sitting down?' And I went, 'Oh my goodness, what's this about?'" says Carter.
Sophie's birth mother had just given birth to another girl, and now the couple were asked to be parents for a fifth time.
"And without even blinking an eye, I said 'Absolutely.' And I said, 'Oooh, I guess I should call Sandy first and ask. But I'll tell you for sure, the answer's gonna be yes,'" Carter says.
With baby Ava's arrival, Carter says the couple now had "the perfect blend" — two boys and three girls, all adopted as infants over eight years.
How the kids will honour Daddy and Papa
Reichen, 13, giggles as he describes the special day. "Father's day is all about love, caring and a whole bunch of other stuff including chocolate."
Michaela, 12, says she will give her dads peace and quiet. Sophie, 10, says Michaela's plan not to bother them is a "big gift."
Sophie started honouring her dads early — on Mother's Day. At school, her classmates were making cards for their moms.
"So what I did was I made a card for both of my dads," says Sophie, as they deserve more than one "holiday."
"Papa [Sandy] works all day and so does Daddy [Darrin], and I think that they should deserve more than what they get."
Wolfgang reflects on what his fathers have given him. "No matter what, I'll always appreciate them because if I wasn't adopted by them then [it] could've been much different."
The youngest, seven-year-old Ava, reads a card she's made.
"Dear Daddy and Papa, I love you so much because you guys are so nice and smart. I heart my family and you guys. Love, Ava."
The joy of fatherhood
For a couple who set out to adopt for one simple reason — they love kids — the joy of fatherhood is this:
"Our kids have two parents that love them and we're a pretty close-knit family," says Kaiser. "When they all go to bed and everybody's healthy and safe, that's what it's all about."
Carter echoes the thought: "I want to be able to say that I raised kids, that I love my children, and that I've supported them in the best possible way."