At a 'death café' in Moncton, people talk about death to live a fuller life

It's a topic most people avoid talking about, but according to Liette LeBlanc-Brewer, it's also one of the most important conversations we need to have.

LeBlanc-Brewer is an end-of-life doula. Every second Tuesday, she hosts a death café meeting in Moncton — a casual gathering where people can discuss loss and their own mortality. 

"It's not an environment that's sad," she said. "If we don't talk about it, we think it won't happen. And what does that do? It brings anxiety." 

The meetings take place in a private room at the Brix Experience, a new café on busy St. George Street. Participants gather around a large dining table while a barista serves coffee and freshly baked treats. 

Some attendees are dealing with the loss of a loved one, or are trying to come to terms with a recent medical diagnosis. Others are there to begin a conversation that their loved ones are just not ready to have.

LeBlanc-Brewer says the goal of the death café is to provide a safe, confidential and inclusive place where participants can freely express their feelings.

"When we get together and do have these talks, it's always enlightening, and I think it brings us to living a fuller life," she said.

Coping with loss 

Leo Ouellette has been attending the death café meetings since they were first offered in November.

Last fall, Ouellette's 55-year old daughter, Michelle, died suddenly in her sleep. Ouellette says the meetings have helped him to work through the shock of her death.

"I wanted to know how other people cope when they lose somebody. I was feeling a lot of emotions" he said.

"I thought by talking to other people who had lost somebody, that they would have ways of how they were coping, so I could probably be helped by them or I could help them also." 

Global movement

The death café movement is not new. It began in the United Kingdom in 2011 with the goal of encouraging open dialogue about something we rarely talk about, but will all experience. Globally, death cafés have been hosted in more than 44 countries. 

The Hospice of Southeast New Brunswick hosts the Moncton meetings.  

Christine Kennedy-Babineau is the organization's director of programs and community engagement. She is a big fan of the meetings, because they don't shy away from the realities of death. For people wanting to share their feelings, she says the meetings can offer support.

"Grief does not have a timeline," she said. "We often think, 'ok it's been two months, or it's been two years, you should move on'. It doesn't matter at what stage in any journey people are on, the death café is a safe space for them to come and to talk about it."

A personal journey

While talking about death may help to remove discomfort about the subject, the café setting may not be right for everyone. 

Leo Ouellette and his wife attended the first death café meeting together. He's returned to share with others in this setting. His wife, however, has chosen to work through her grief privately. 

"I don't think it's for everyone," he said.

"You know the person is gone, but she can come back in your mind, your heart. It's up to you to take those moments and relive those moments, if it helps you to move on and keep on in life."