When kids dread school, preparation can help dispel fears

​​​​​Maximus Rozitis, 12, would much rather play Minecraft or noodle around on his electric piano than think about the inevitable — his first day back at school on Wednesday.

Last year, in Grade 6, he had a few tussles with other students. He says he was bullied relentlessly. 

"None of the advice that I have heard of actually has worked for me," he said with exasperation. "Walking away never works. It just makes people go worse on you."

His mother, Tracy Granger, forces a smile. She similarly dreads the start of school. For her, it means disjointed emails with school teachers and administrators, and feeling unable to protect her son.

"I've always been really involved with the school. But I find in this day and age that's really hard to do," Granger said. The real estate agent volunteers on parent councils and a music committee.

While some kids can barely contain their excitement on the eve of a new school year, others, like Maximus, wish for perpetual summer. Nothing about school, not even the new pencil crayons and scribblers, makes him excited to go back. 

It leaves parents like Granger at a loss for what to do.

"He is really anxious and reluctant to go back. In an adult situation, if you're in a workplace that you were uncomfortable with, you would seek other work," she said.

"We have to send our kids to school. I know several parents who are doing home-schooling. That's just not an option for us."

School worries normal: psychologist 

Lauren Chance, a clinical psychologist at the Manitoba Adolescent Treatment Centre, says she always tries to assure parents that school anxiety is normal. 

"We all feel anxious when we're starting a new job or going back to work when we've been away for a while," she said. 

One of the most common symptoms of back-to-school anxiety is an unwillingness to talk about school or a refusal to go back, but that doesn't mean parents should avoid the topic, said Chance.

"Anxiety is worries about the unknown. So the more information that we can give kids and teenagers, the better prepared they'll be," she said. And being prepared chases worries away, she adds.

When it comes to bullies, Chance suggests preparing kids for the dreaded encounter. That could be as simple as asking kids about healthy responses to bullies — like walking away from situations or asking a bully to stop speaking in a hurtful way.

If that doesn't work, Chance suggests trying to work with the school or teachers to create a social circle to surround the bullied victim once the school year starts.

"Maybe it's a lunchtime club, maybe it's connecting them with a teacher who shares a similar interest and can bring together different kids who might not know each other," she said.

"So even if the bullying is happening, they still have that group of kids.… That can be incredibly protective."

Chance suggests contacting outside help, such as a clinical psychologist, if the anxiety symptoms persists for longer than a month.

"The first month is always a transition. New routines are getting set," she said.

"If children are still complaining of frequent stomach aches or … really, really not want to go — sometimes refusing to go — or if they're getting to school but enduring that day with a lot of distress, then that's when I would typically recommend contacting a professional."

Granger hopes her son's support worker at school will help make Grade 7 different than last year. Along with music, she is seeing Maximus develop a strong interest in math, which gives her some optimism.

"I just hope for a clean slate," she said. "Hopefully start things out well, and hopefully they continue to be better."

Parents can access mental health services for children and youth by contacting the central intake line for the Manitoba Adolescent Treatment Centre, or MATC, by calling 204-958-9660.

In urgent situations, parents can contact the Manitoba mobile crisis team at 204-949-4777 or call 911.

The Kids Help Phone is available across Canada at 1-800-668-6868.

Beyond first day jitters

5 years ago

Duration 2:12

​​​​​Maximus Rozitis, 12, would much rather play Minecraft or noodle around on his electric piano than think about the inevitable — his first day back at school on Wednesday.