Sexual health author offers advice for parents on how to talk about sexting

A program by the Vancouver Police Department is teaching kids about the consequences of sexting. But, according to a sexual health teacher, that doesn't mean parents shouldn't also broach the topic with their kids.

Author Saleema Noon says it's important for parents to have the conversation about sexting with their kids, even though it can be difficult.

She recently sat down with host Michele Elliot on CBC's B.C. Almanac to discuss what parents can also do to help educate kids and teenagers about sexting.

"We need to look at this issue with some perspective," said Noon. "The majority of teens are not sexting, because it's not something they're comfortable with. It's not part of their reality,"

"But what I see in schools is that sexting can have a really damaging effect on teens and groups of teens, and that's what we need to help them with," said Noon.

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Starting early

"Start conversations early — earlier than we think, and more than we think," said Noon. "We just need to remember that knowledge is power, and our kids unfortunately are exposed to so much more than we think, sooner than we think."

Noon says parents need to be proactive to discuss sexting with pre-teens, even if it can be daunting.

"Find out what they know, what they don't know, what they think — but the conversation needs to end with the parent saying 'hey, if this is ever something that you have questions about or concerns about, talk to me, because I want to be the one to have these discussions.'"

"Make it an ongoing conversation, so it's not an awkward thing," she added.

Talk about it in a general way

Noon says it's important when approaching these conversations that it's important to do so in a more general way.

She says it can be more effective to have these conversations from a curious perspective — by asking questions rather than prescribing pre-conceived opinions.

"We need to put our teens in a place as informing us," said Noon. "They love it when they're seen by us as the authority on certain topics — that's when they're going to start to talk."

Express consequences

But according to Noons, once a conversation about sexting is in motion, it's important to express the consequences.

"I would express to young people that we would never want one of them to miss out on an opportunity or never achieve a goal of theirs, because of something they've posted online years and years before," said Noon.

Noons says its important to emphasize that employers and university admissions staff are looking online and on social media for anything they can find out about an applicant — not to mention the legal implications of sharing private images online.

"Sexting can have very serious emotional, social and legal consequences among teenagers — even with consent," she said.

Noon says sharing photos is something that people do, and a lot of teens don't think too far into the future.

"We need to really help them understand the long-term consequences of what they do today and how it can impact them later on in life," she said.

Be sex positive

With all the warnings, Noon says it's also important to be 'sex positive' when tackling these issues.

"We want our kids to understand at every age that sex is a great thing. It's a way that people sometimes reproduce. It's a way that people show love and affection for one another. It's pleasurable — it brings people together," she said.

"As parents we need to encourage our teenagers to express their sexualities in a way that is safer and less permanent, at least until they are adults," said Noon.

With files from CBC's BC Almanac

To listen to the full interview, click on the audio labelled: Saleema Noon, co-author of Talk Sex Today: What Kids Need to Know and How Adults Can Teach Them, offers advice for parents on how to talk about sexting