How do you make your church inclusive? Host an LGBT support group
The PFLAG Surrey chapter meets monthly at Peninsula United Church in South Surrey
If you don't get the hint when you spot the rainbow pin on Minister Bruce McAndless-Davis's shirt, his rainbow shoelaces are a dead giveaway.
He wants his church to be a place where members of the LGBT community feel safe, comfortable and welcome. That's especially the case when Peninsula United Church isn't being used as a place of worship.
The building is also home to the Surrey chapter of Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) — where people meet to discuss how they can support and understand LGBT issues. Members are most often parents or friends of LGBT people who have recently come out.
McAndless-Davis offered up his church to PFLAG because inclusivity is an issue that is close to his heart.
"I have two kids that are part of the queer community," he said. "In particular, our youngest had come out as trans and that was a really new experience and awareness for us. We had a steep learning curve."
When McAndless-Davis's child came out, he was overwhelmed with questions — what should he read? What pronouns should he use? What kind of support could he give?
Divine intervention?
Lisa Salazar was getting tired of driving all the way from South Surrey to Vancouver to PFLAG's monthly meetings.
She'd been speaking with other group members who also lived south of the Fraser who felt the same way but they couldn't find a meeting space in Surrey.
"The sentiment was that it would be nice if there was something like this closer to home," she said. "One day, out of the blue, I got a call from Bruce."
Theology school
McAndless-Davis and Salazar were old pals from the Vancouver School of Theology, where Salazar was studying to become a chaplain. She had recently come out as transgender, and McAndless-Davis wanted her advice on how he could support his daughter.
Salazar had the knowledge and connections and McAndless-Davis had the space. The PFLAG Surrey chapter was born.
Meeting in a church
McAndless-Davis and Salazar both know that many members of the LGBT community have conflicted feelings about the church.
"For them to walk into a church is demanding that they kind of swallow hard and just put away their anxieties or their concerns," Salazar said. "We don't sit in the sanctuary area, we sit in the foyer. We just put some chairs in a circle, so it really doesn't feel like a church."
McAndless-Davis says other than the odd question about faith, the meetings have nothing to do with religion.
"We don't have any self righteousness about the fact that we're paragons of inclusivity here," he said. "We still have lots to learn and there are lots of things we need to change about how we fully and truly include people."
Like a family
Debbie Gray and Chris Paige helped start the PFLAG Surrey chapter after a relative came out to them. They say anywhere from six to 20 people show up at meetings. Some come a few times and never come back and others form bonds so strong they become family.
"We had some of the people who come all the time over to our house for a barbecue," Paige said. "We laughed and giggled and teased. It was a lot of fun and it makes it all worthwhile."