This school year is a lesson in how to manage stress and expectations as pandemic continues

This story is part of Amy Bell's Parental Guidance column, which airs on CBC Radio One's The Early Edition.

Kids have been back in school for just over a month, and while students have largely settled into their new classrooms, some parents — myself included — are feeling increasingly stressed and anxious about the year so far.

Did I think we'd be in this boat again after our numbers seemed to be going down last year, and our hopes were going up before the summer break? No. And I think that's where a lot of the unease comes from.

We are just so tired of this. Tired of the constant struggle to balance what's best for our individual families and the greater good. Tired of the fear of judgment if we somehow "mess" up. And tired of bearing the weight of knowing the longer this pandemic continues, the deeper the impact might be on our children. 

'Whirlwind of chaos' for some families

For single father Leland Dieno and many others who are co-parenting, the stress surrounding our children in school has ripple effects far outside the classroom. This just adds confusion and anxiety to what may already be a tough situation for everyone. 

"In a co-parenting situation where there might already be a bit of stress, this is causing a whirlwind of chaos for some people," says Dieno. "There's co-parents that have mixed families and different schools are involved. When exposure alerts happen, no one really knows exactly what to do." 

For some caregivers, the longer this pandemic has lasted, the more they've become frustrated and lost confidence in public figures — and fellow parents.

Vancouver mom Wendy Fox explained that last year when not every grade was required to wear masks, she struggled to convince her daughter to keep wearing one — and struggled with the anxiety it caused in her younger son. Regardless of what parents might personally prefer, she thinks most kids will accept any rules or measures as long as they see everyone else doing it, and that ultimately makes life easier — and safer — for everyone. 

It can be tough to question anything 

But quite a few people I spoke with didn't want to be interviewed or publicly named because they fear being labelled as "anti-vaxx" or "pro-pandemic." They feel they can't question mandates or decisions without some friends and fellow parents turning against them.

Burnaby mother Brandee Barker says that while she'd do anything to keep her two daughters safe, including masks and vaccines when they become available, she sometimes finds herself questioning whether recent public health decisions are necessary. She worries that some parents are so anxious about COVID-19, they now have unreasonable expectations for kids' safety. 

"Any time the kids leave the house and I'm not with them, anything could happen. You can get hit by a car. You can fall down some stairs," said Barker. "It's this perception we can make school this insulated, risk-free environment which is making people bananas because you obviously cannot."

While we can't mitigate all risks, for some the risk is greater. For kids who already had health issues prior to the pandemic, going to school has been stressful for them and their families, especially since the hybrid or full-time home schooling options have been largely removed this year.

Some kids are more vulnerable

Surrey mom Lyndsey Locke's 11-year-old daughter was born extremely premature, and as a result she still has significant health issues. Locke just wants vulnerable children and their needs to be considered and respected as much as older generations were prior to their vaccinations.

"We spent so much of the pandemic protecting the elderly and it was just like, 'Oh well, it's not going to affect kids and if it does, it's just a small amount of them.' Well, my kid is one of that small amount," says Locke. "Why are we not doing everything we possibly can to protect those children until vaccines are available for them?"

Parenting is one of the most stressful and tiring things you can do — and to do it for 19 months with the weight of COVID-19 sitting on your shoulders has pushed a lot of people to their limits. 

Each family's financial and emotional status is unique and influences how they react to what is happening, and not everyone will agree with each other's choices. But I think we can all agree that children need to be kept safe and healthy, and parents need to support each other to make that happen — no matter how tired we may be.