'Why did you bring me here' asks dog in bank
TORONTO, ON—A purebred Chihuahua shocked an entire Toronto Dominion Bank branch earlier this week by voicing his disdain for being allowed inside the establishment.
"Why did you bring me here?" barked Snickers the dog from inside of an old Lululemon shoulder bag.
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"Are you that lonely that you can't be without my company while you check on the forty-three whole dollars in your savings? I know this fake certificate says I'm a support dog, but maybe you should get a support financial planner so he or she can tell you to stop wasting money on grain-fed beef for me. I eat bugs."
Maria Dolce, Snickers' owner, was embarrassed to say the least, and apologized to the bank at large by insisting, "He's not usually like this. He's actually a really sweet dog."
The branch manager stepped in to diffuse the situation, but even she was not safe from Snickers' scathing critique of the bank's lax canine policy.
"Seriously, why would you let her carry me in here?" Snickers snarled.
"Did you think I was going to co-sign a loan for her? Or maybe I came to open a double-cash rewards international corporate account? I don't have any credit. I'm a fucking dog. I've pissed in this bag twice since I've been here."
Snickers continued his tirade until the police were called to end what was quickly turning into a "snaustage" situation. The hour-long ordeal ended with Dolce being escorted out in handcuffs and Snickers being set free in a park to shiver endlessly, despite the balmy weather.
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