Comedy·ANNOYING

Construction worker insists prime jackhammering time is when you're on the phone mid-breakup

“It’s totally on purpose,” explains construction worker Todd Yelt. “It’s all about that perfect moment. We call it Prime Jackhammering Time."
(Shutterstock / sbw18)

MONTREAL, QC—You're walking down the street on your cellphone, finally having the talk with your girlfriend: It's time to break up. Also, you may have given her chlamydia. And just as the delicate moment presents itself… a jackhammer starts up, like Satan's own dental drill. The cacophony blasts your eardrums and shakes your very soul. And your girlfriend hangs up.

Coincidence? Not at all.

"It's totally on purpose," explains construction worker Todd Yelt. "It's all about that perfect moment. We call it Prime Jackhammering Time, or P-Jack, for short. We find the jackhammer works better when there's some elaborate human theatre involved."

And spring and summertime are the perfect seasons for the jackhammer, Yelt adds.

"With no snow to muffle the noise and all the pedestrians out and about — well, it's best-case scenario," he says with a grin.  

In fact, there is science to back up Yelt's claims.

"Indeed," says Professor of Concrete Studies Beverly Probis. "Research has proven that if the jackhammer operator can drill just as an especially vulnerable person is in close proximity — a vastly pregnant woman, someone recently bereaved, a Toronto Blue Jays fan — the physical and mental trauma they experience will cause subtle vibrations which enhance concrete crumblage tenfold. It's simple physics."

But to some, it's not just science — it's art. Urban noise enthusiast Mel Martinez rhapsodizes about the skill of jackhammer operators.

"If you watch them — and I've done lots of field recordings, so I've seen the best — they'll spot a mark coming a mile away. They wait as patiently as jungle cats to strike and then BLAMMO. It's genius."

They've got their windows rolled down… Then you P-Jack 'em.- Todd Yelt, construction worker

Though a construction crew can choose to use a silencer to quiet the horrendous din, many choose not to.

"The noise is part of the experience," Martinez insists. "And it's multi-sensory: don't forget the bone-rattling vibrations. And the particulate — the fine, toxic particulate the drilling creates. That stuff stays with you. Literally, it deposits in your lungs."

Often, construction workers are toiling in a busy thoroughfare with lots of passersby, but if it's just automobile traffic? They can deal with that.

"You know those STOP signs we have? Well, you pull one of those babies out, cars are going nowhere. They've got their windows rolled down… Then you P-Jack 'em," Yelt says.  

"It might seem tough, but keep in mind: it gets us finishing the job faster, so we can move on to ripping up another road. And another and another. And then we'll go back to the original one, and rip it up again. You know what they say: it's a jackhammer's world. We're just living in it."

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