How NHL commissioner Gary Bettman helped me conquer my fear of stuttering

My sports journalism career has provided me with some wonderful opportunities — like covering the Stanley Cup finals or scouting Ontario Hockey League prospects in Mississauga. But my career also forced me to face a big personal fear: that I'll be ignored or ridiculed because of my stutter. 

I didn't start stuttering until I was six. I was always a sensitive kid who believed that the faster I spoke, the less I'd stutter. The less I stuttered, the less impatient people would be with me. Or so I thought.

You see, there were times when I just couldn't get the words out. When people answered the phone, they'd often hang up on me. A few even told me to "talk properly," or to "relax."

As an adult, I've managed to build a career I love as a sports reporter. Thanks to some audio apps, classical music and my headphones, I have overcome my fear of conducting phone interviews. But that left another fear I was determined to conquer — asking a question in a scrum of reporters.

This November, I had the honour of covering the 2018 Hockey Hall of Fame induction ceremony. At the event, NHL commissioner Gary Bettman was getting inducted.

This was my moment. I had the opportunity to speak with one of the most powerful men in hockey in front of a scrum of reporters. It was my chance to ask him a question while putting aside my own insecurities about how other reporters — or even Bettman himself — might react if I had difficulty speaking.

In preparation for the interview, I spoke with former NHL left winger Kenndal McArdle, who is also a stutterer. McArdle was kind enough to offer me advice on how he'd handle the situation.

"For myself, to be in a scrum asking Gary a question would be something that would be quite stressful," McArdle said.

"And the way I've approached it is that I have not thought too much about it, not to stress myself out, rather than over-practicing, and trying to rehearse over and over again. It's actually been easier to ad-lib things, and let the cards fall where they may."

As I made my way closer toward Bettman, I knew that this was it. And I knew that regardless of the outcome, I would have a wonderful story to tell.

I'm thrilled to say that my experience speaking with Gary Bettman was successful. He was respectful, a consummate professional. One of the biggest highlights of my journalism career had just taken place.

I have always loved writing as a way to express myself. What I have trouble saying verbally I make up for through the power of the written word. 

Still, I will always have that chip on my shoulder reminding me of everyone who has ever dismissed me or looked down on me. But to those doubters, I urge them to take a good look at what I've done. Because I know that despite my shortcomings, I have achieved what I set my mind to. It wasn't easy, but I did it.