How long distance might just be the healthiest thing for your relationship

Many see long distance as the death knell of a relationship. It's regarded as prolonging the inevitable, a polite gesture before the eventual breakup. Telling another that your relationship is "going long" is often met with confusion, "How does it work? How often do you see each other? Don't you get lonely?" But this once extraordinary circumstance is actually fairly common now - it is estimated that the U.S. has over 7 million couples (married and unmarried) who are currently in a long distance relationship. Not surprisingly, university-bound partners make up about a third of these couples, with couples either in relationships before pursuing post-secondary education or meeting abroad then moving back home. Beyond the student experience, long distance relationships are still on the rise. Social media and dating apps both encourage and facilitate far-away love, while current demographics and geographics (with many young people getting squeezed out of major cities) have been stretching more relationships than ever before. Recognize yourself in any of these scenarios? Worried about your chances of "making it"? f your relationship has to "go the distance", there's no reason to fear; it may work out better than you think.

Multiple studies that have compared the break up rate of long distance relationships to close distance relationships (over durations of 3 months, 6 months and 1 year) have found that there is no real statistical difference between the two. So essentially, if your relationship ends, it's not because of the distance. A 2014 study about relationship quality (examining more than 700 long distance partners and over 400 couples in close proximity) discovered that the distance alone did not act as a predictor of happiness (as opposed to other individual and relationship characteristics), concluding that closer couples are not at an advantage to having a successful relationship. But how can this be when, on the surface, a long distance relationship seems like an inherently miserable experience?

While the change in dynamics has the obvious downside of minimal physical interaction, it heightens other relationship characteristics that may make up for it. A 2013 study published in the Journal Of Communication suggests that long distance partners might have better overall communication skills. The study had partners of long and short distance relationships track all forms of their communication (phone, texting, email, etc.) to find that long distance partners exhibited more consistent and meaningful communication than closer couples.  The lack of physical time together might cause some sort of communicative overdrive, where each partner really makes an effort to interact and interact meaningfully to compensate for other areas. Certainly, we have more avenues to communicate than ever before - it's not like our only options are either writing a letter or picking up the phone - so that strengthens the bond. Also, being in a close distance relationship might actually stifle communication; when you see or live with someone on a daily basis, you might be less likely to be up front because you have to deal with them directly. So, for this reason, distance might actually foster communicative depth.

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Another distinguishing facet of the long distance relationship is the sense of autonomy each individual can develop. Living far apart from each other really allows partners to develop their own individual identities, independence and sense of control over their own lives, which they can ultimately share in their relationship. We've all been in situations where we've felt "crowded" or overwhelmed with our partner's close proximity to our own lives and a long distance relationship can often prevent that. Of course, with such distance and autonomy comes the potential for jealousy, though, if legitimate trust is already there, the separation can strengthen it. Fully trusting your partner and their actions as they live away from you is a true act of faith and a testament to the health of your relationship.

So cherished are these dynamics that, when a long distance relationship becomes close, they're actually missed. A 2006 study into long distance couples that became close distanced found that, among the one third of couples who broke up, loss of independence, time management, new conflicts and jealousy were all reported as contributing factors. So, in these instances, it seems like the long distance was not only working, but also valued and preferred. It could be here that, for people whose lifestyles and personalities suit such traits, a long distance relationship might be healthier than the close one. However, it seems that most long distance relationships are healthier when there's a clear future in sight. A 2007 study into college-based long distance relationships found that partners in relationships who were uncertain when they'd become close distanced felt more distressed and reported less satisfaction than those who saw a viable future of close distance.

Certainly, there are pros and cons to every kind of relationship and the health of it largely depends on the strength of the partners' bond. However, due to our modern-day lifestyles and its ability to promote communication, autonomy and strong bonds between couples, long distance should not be seen as a doomsday scenario, but a healthy and beneficial challenge for any relationship.

RJ Skinner is an actor, writer and pro wrestler, so he rants and raves in various states of undress. Follow him on IG @rjcity and if you're feeling crafty, behold The Cynical Crafter.