Ja Rule issues heartfelt Fyre Festival apology, feat. Ashanti
HOLLIS, NY—After the disastrous results of his inaugural Fyre Festival, an event that left festivalgoers who had paid upwards of $10,000 stranded without food, money, and in tents, Ja Rule is sorry.
Rule held a press conference today to issue an apology to all affected by the catastrophe, backed by Ashanti on the hook.
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"I am deeply sorry to all who purchased tickets to this past weekend's Fyre Festival," said Rule.
"So sorry, baby, you know he meant good," added Ashanti, the singer of Foolish.
"It was not something I ever anticipated happening. I entered into this project in good faith, with the simple desire to provide a weekend of wonderful and luxurious entertainment to those who desired it," continued Rule, followed by Ashanti who earnestly intoned, "You know he meant it, you know he didn't want it, legally he is not respoooooo-ns-iiiiiiiiible / The fine print baby, you gotta read that fine, fine print."
Rule insisted that though he was not technically at fault for the calamity, he would make sure all ticket-buyers had their fee refunded.
"Nobody should ever have to make a major financial expenditure of this nature and not receive what they were promised," said Rule, "and so I will be remedying that situation immediately," though Ashanti added, "Said expenditures may not be received for some time (you gotta be patient baby, patience is what it takes)."
At press time, Rule had left the stage, and as the music faded, Ashanti remained, somberly crooning, "That fine print, baby / Gotta read that fi-i-i-ne priiiiiiint."
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