Mourner thinks dead woman would be prettier if she smiled

VICTORIA, BC—Gerry Ulster, 42, attended the funeral this morning of his former colleague Natasha Deacon, who passed away peacefully in her sleep last week. Ulster, who was one of hundreds of mourners present at the service, says the few minutes he spent paying his respects at Deacon's casket were meaningful, yet somewhat disappointing due to the fact that Deacon's face is resting in a neutral expression.

"She looks good," he explains. "They did a nice job. Still, I think she'd look prettier if she'd smiled. Like right before she died. That would have been ideal."

Ulster, who was not especially close with Deacon, says he's aware that people don't generally smile in their sleep, or if they do they don't typically have control over it. He feels, however, that Deacon "could have maybe made an exception given the circumstances."

"I mean, this is how she's going to look for all eternity," he says. "So it's just too bad she didn't put a tiny bit more effort into her appearance. Don't get me wrong – she was a lovely person and I'm so sad she's gone. I think she wrote a few books about money management or international adoption or kites or something, but the smiling thing would have really made a difference. Oh well."

Another mourner in attendance, Diana Guildwood, said that being at a funeral makes her feel grateful to be alive, especially because she recently recovered from a severe stomach virus that landed her in hospital.

"You'd think that when you're drugged up in a hospital bed and barely conscious, people would finally stop telling you to smile all the damn time," she says. "Nope! Every day, a different nurse or doctor would mention it at least nine times. It never, ever ends. No woman is safe."