A mother's guide to summer blockbusters

With summer blockbuster season in full swing it's hard not to know every single movie that's coming soon. With constant trailers, product advertisements and posters swirling around, is it still possible that someone out there doesn't know what blockbuster movies are playing in a theatre near them? I showed my mother some blank movie posters, with no titles or descriptions, to see if a middle aged woman whose diet consists of Dean Koontz novels and e-cigarettes could come up with their titles.

Well, she's not completely wrong. The main message of Guardians of the Galaxy is friendship, and Groot is a "Tree Man." She really goes off the rails when she tries naming the actors though. According to her, the lead actor's name is "Parks and Rec" while it also stars "Dunno Her" and the voice of "Zach Gilligankis' Friend"!

I'm not saying she was way off, but she was at least in the same ball park. They are teens, they kick, and some would say a turtle is the troll of the animal kingdom. As you can see, my mother abandoned traditional movie titling when she went off on a tangent about how they were friends of a "mouse."

My mother looked at the Hercules poster, took a long pause and reflected on the current state of her husband's—my father's—body.

It's nice to know my mom is still protecting me from watching half naked dance competitions. Unfortunately for me, I walked in on her later that day looking up movie times for Step it Up: All In.

This was the most correct thing she'd said all day. I would watch Gun Monkeys in a heartbeat.