James Kudelka wasn't expecting to win a Governor General's Performing Arts Award

Receiving a Governor General's Performing Arts Award is a crowning achievement for any creative in this country — so much so, that winning one may come as a surprise to even the most decorated of artists.

This morning, the Governor General's Performing Arts Award class of 2023 was announced. One honouree is James Kudelka, whose career in ballet has spanned over 40 years. In that time, he's reached incredible heights, including serving as the artistic director and resident choreographer of the National Ballet of Canada.

He spoke with Elamin Abdelmahmoud about what receiving this award means to him at this stage of his career.

We've included some highlights below, edited for length and clarity. For the full discussion, listen and follow the Commotion with Elamin Abdelmahmoud podcast, on your favourite podcast player.

Elamin: I'm so happy that you're here. I want to hear about the moment — take me back to the moment when you first got the news that you'd be getting this award. Where were you? What was your reaction?

James: I was in my new home in Saint John's, Newfoundland. I had just heard the previous year's awards had been awarded, and a friend of mine received that award in Montreal and I had congratulated her on that. When my phone rang, I looked atthe screen and it said "Governor-General's Performing Arts Awards." I thought, "oh, they need a jury for the next award." The first question I was asked, was whether I was available on certain dates in May, and I thought, "this is sounding like it's something else." And then when I said I have no reason to believe I wouldn't be available on those days, they said, "oh, good, then I can tell you that you are getting this award."

I was pretty surprised. I have to say that I hope that people will take this in the right way, but the first thing I thought was, "God, this is going to be more easy to complain about not having, than it's going to be to actually receive it." And I've actually had a lot of soul searching since I found out. Of course I'm happy about it; somewhere deep inside me, I'm happy, and I'm probably thrilled and probably even a little proud of myself. But, I had made the move to Newfoundland as an attempt to really move forward with my life and shut the door behind me a bit, because I was 67 years old and the pandemic hurried the ballet world into a new place. The National Ballet of Canada and I had really basically parted ways, and I just thought, "okay, it's really time I took stock." I've been spending the whole year trying to figure out who I am, and how I am going to move forward..The one thing that I do know is that I absolutely love living in St John's. It's one of the places where people care the least that I was the director of the National Ballet of Canada — and that's great.

Elamin: Well, when you when you give that answer, I hear so many things that I want to talk to you about.

James: I know, I'm a messy person, and I really I wish I could be clearer. But, you know, I'm poking around at my life and I'm trying to figure it out—

Elamin: You're perfect the way that you are.

James: —and I'm trying to believe that, too.

Elamin: As we all should. But when I hear you talk about that, I hear so many different things. I hear the gratitude in receiving this award, but I also hear the reflection in this idea that you've had this lengthy career, you don't really necessarily think of yourself as someone who's in the middle of their career anymore; you're sort of trying to maybe move onto "what is the next thing that I'm going to do?" And then this call comes to you, and you get pulled back in. How does that make you think about your career in general? I find that really fascinating.

James: There's no question that most of my career is behind me. I had already been thinking the best place to find myself if I'm going to be involved in ballet and in dance, is in some kind of mentorship position. That's why, remarkably and surprisingly, teaching ballet technique has been something that's been my parachute. But I have to say that, the day that I don't have to teach a class is probably better than the day that I do have to teach a class. I know I have information that's probably of some value, but I do understand also that when you're in the middle of a career, it's like being in the centre of a hurricane — you're kind of choosing what you're going to do next, and you're so busy in it. But when you start to pull yourself out of it, you realize it's actually just a small world that's kind of happening over there.

And the other thing that's really interesting about it, and I think this is probably the biggest challenge, is that many people my age who are often at the age of retirement, that's often the moment that you get that creative moment. I listen to radio programs about this, that at the end of your life, that's when you can actually do all these things. But, I had a whole creative life. I could not have done more than I did...to think that the only thing I'm supposed to do now is actually what I did already, is a real moment to try to think about, "well, what do I take up now?" You know?

Elamin: But what I do hear you talking about there is, you have all of this experience and all this knowledge from this career, and it's sort of set against the fact that it is a time in your life when you've deliberately moved away from the place that is the centre of that kind of art right now. But you're not entirely retired either, right? Next month you've got your production of Cinderella returning to the National Ballet of Canada.

James: I knew this would come up because actually since moving there, I've never been this busy. I'm talking to you from Vancouver because I'm doing a short work for the students here at the Arts Umbrella, and then I go back to Toronto and Cinderella goes on, and then I work for three weeks at the National Ballet School teaching technique—

Elamin: Some retirement, James.

James: —and a lot of it is just me in the background going, "I want to go home." The days there remind me how tired I am from all that I've done. And it's not just sort of the sweat of it, but the the tensions of it were really tiring....The Nutcracker is fantastic, it's gone for 27 years. That's amazing. And glass-half-full James says, "is that extraordinary that you get that?" And the glass-half-empty one goes, "oh God, do I have to go in and help that get on the stage again?" 

Elamin: That's real.

James: And I don't know how to do it badly, so I give it my all when I'm there, and I can't wait to get out. So that's sort of how it's working at the moment.

You can listen to the full discussion from today's show on CBC Listen or on our podcast, Commotion with Elamin Abdelmahmoud, available wherever you get your podcasts.

WATCH | James Kudelka's video message for the Governor General's Performing Arts Award 2023 :